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A man was charged with Necrophilia (having sex with a dead woman).

The judge said; I havn�t seen such disgusting case in 20 years.

Can you give me one good reason why you did it?
Man: I can give 3 reasons.It� non of ur business,

she was my wife and I didn�t know she was dead as she always acted like that.

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Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-olympic sex .
Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life?
Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 Years.

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Recommended dosage of viagra:
New Girlfriend: No Need
Old Girlfriend: 1/2 Tablet
Mistress: 1 Tablet
Wife: 2 tabs+whisky+Porn Movie+Will Power

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Men who don�t understand women at all,

by & large,

fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.

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A boy on Date With Gal in BMW.

Jaan ! Maine tumse ek baat chupaai hai ki I'm already married.
Girl: Oh GOD! Tumne To dara he dia, main Samjhi ye Car tumhari nahi.

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A man is the head of the family and the wife is the neck.

The neck turns the head exactly the way it wants.

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Why are wives more dangerous than the Mafia?
The mafia wants either ur money or life... The wives want both!

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Husband: Tumse Shaadi Karke Mujhe Ek Bahut Bada Faayda Hua Hai.
Wife: Woh Kya?
Husband: Mujhe Mere Gunaaho ki Saza Jeete-Jee Hi Mil Gayi!

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Mummy: Beta kyun ro rahe ho?
Beta: Papa ne mujhe kissi nahi di.
Mummy: Beta, aap ne papa ko tables nahi sunaye honge.
Beta: Kaam wali ko kaun se tables aate hein.

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Man: Sir, my wife is missing.
Postman: Yeh post office hai, police station nahi.
Man: Kya karu? Kahan jau? Khushi k maare kuchh samajh me nahi aa raha.

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Q: What is the next thing one should do after winning an argument with the wife ?
A: Apologise !!!

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Man: Is there any way 4 long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of a long life will never come to u again!

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Rabb kare sade yaar muskraunde rehen,
Sohnia nu tarpaunde rehen,
Yara nal mehfila v launde rehan,
Kuri na fase koi gal ni, customer care nal kam chalaunde rehan.

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Zindagi Mein Kuch Lamhein Khaas Ban Gaye,
Mile To Mulakat Ban Gaye,
Bichhre To Yaad Ban Gaye,
Aur Jo Dil Se Na Gaye,Wo AAP Ban Gaye.

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Dosti ki mahek ishq se kam nahi hoti,
Ishq pe hi zindgi khatm nahi hoti,
Agar sath ho zindgi men achche dosto ka,
Zindagi kisi jannat se kam nahi hoti.

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Har khomoshi mein ek baat hoti hai,
Har dil mein ek yaad hoti hai,
Aapko pata ho ya na ho par aapki khushi k liye roz fariyad hoti hai.

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Apne gamo ki yu numaish na kar,
Apne nasib ki yu aazmaish na kar,
Jo tera hai tere dar pe khud ayega,
Roz roz use pane ki khwaish na kar!

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Wo yaron ki mehfil wo muskrate pal,
Dilse juda hai apna bita hua kal
Kabhi guzarti thi zindgi waqt bitane me,
Ab waqt guzar jata hai chand kagaz k note kamane me.

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Jahan ki gurbat me sukun nahi ayega,
Gam-e-tohin se kubul nahi ayega.
Maklul ki fitrat he ye kafir,
Dimag fat jayega par ye sher samajh nahi ayega.

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Khwaish aisi karo ki aasman tak ja sako,
Dua aisi karo ki khuda ko pa sako,
U to jeene k liye pal bahut kam hai,
Jiyo aise k har pal mein zindgi pa sako..!

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Zindagi... Cigarette ki tarah hoti hai,

Enjoy karo... Warna... Sulag to rahi hi hai,

khatam to waise bhi ho hi jayegi.

Gud Day!

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Rishta banaya hai to nibhayenge,
Har pal aapko hasayenge-satayenge,
Pata hai aapko to fursat nahi yaad karne ki,
Hum hi msg kr-kr ke apni yaad dilayenge.

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Aap pe kurbaan hmari Yaari hai,

hanske mar jaane ki Tayyari hai,
Yeh silsila na khatam ho humaari Dosti ka,

humne to yaad kar liya ab aapki Baari hai. 6

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Paro aur chandramuki ka noor app pe barse,

har koi aapke sath sone ko tarse,
aapke jeevan me aaye itni ladkiyan,
ki app CHADDI pahen ne ko tarse.

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Arz kiya hai:
I am a dog and u r a flower,
gaur farmaiega I am a dog and u r a flower,
so let me lift my leg n give u a shower!

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Mangta hoon to deti nahin ho: JAWAB MERI BAAT KA
Deti ho to khada ho jata hai: ROM-ROM JAZBAAT KA
Kyon bolti ho ke dheere se daalo: BALON MAIN PHOOL GULAB KA.

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Kya aap SEX karte hai,
Kya aap CONDOM use karte hain,
Kya aap AIDS se darte hai,
To aap HATH se Q nahi karte hai,
HATH chale to AIDS tale.

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Door gaon mein ek basti thi,
Wahan ki ladkiyan bahut sasti thi,
Unki ga#d mein itni masti thi,
Jitna dalo utna hasti thi.,
But why r u smiling?

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Ansoo tere nikale to aankhein meri ho,
Dil tera dhadke to dhadkan meri ho,
Khuda kare ki apni dosti itni gehari ho,
Baap tu bane to Mehanat meri ho!

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Kashti toofan se nikal sakti hai,
Taqdeer kisi bhi waqt bhi badal sakti hai,
Hausla rakh, channel na badal,
SANIA MIRZA kisi bhi waqt Jhuk sakti hai

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Badi hasrat thi ki kholein unki salwaar ka nara,
Sanam ki berukhi dekho ki nangey hi chale aye, Wah wah wah

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Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?

Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.

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A lady calls Santa for repairing her door bell.

Santa doesn`t turns up for 4 days.

Lady calls again,

Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days,

I press the bell but no one comes out.

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Santa: What is the difference between`complete and finish`?

Banta: When you marry the right person you are complete and when you marry the wrong one you are finished!

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One day Santa's girlfriend asks him,

"darling, on our engagement will you give me a ring?"

Santa:Ya sure, Give me your telephone number.

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There's a strain of virus deadlier than H1N1.

It afflicts most married men causing speech impairment,

stress, high B.P and fits of rage.

There's no cure in sight and it stays with the victim forever.

It's called B1W1(Wife).

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Try is a small word that makes a lot of difference.

If we try,

we only risk failure.

But if we don't even try we ensure it.

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When flood comes, fish eat ants & when flood recedes, ants eat fish. Only time matters. Just hold on, God gives opportunity to everyone!