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A man was charged with Necrophilia (having sex with a dead woman).

The judge said; I havn�t seen such disgusting case in 20 years.

Can you give me one good reason why you did it?
Man: I can give 3 reasons.It� non of ur business,

she was my wife and I didn�t know she was dead as she always acted like that.

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Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-olympic sex .
Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life?
Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 Years.

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Recommended dosage of viagra:
New Girlfriend: No Need
Old Girlfriend: 1/2 Tablet
Mistress: 1 Tablet
Wife: 2 tabs+whisky+Porn Movie+Will Power

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Men who don�t understand women at all,

by & large,

fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.

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A boy on Date With Gal in BMW.

Jaan ! Maine tumse ek baat chupaai hai ki I'm already married.
Girl: Oh GOD! Tumne To dara he dia, main Samjhi ye Car tumhari nahi.

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A man is the head of the family and the wife is the neck.

The neck turns the head exactly the way it wants.

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Why are wives more dangerous than the Mafia?
The mafia wants either ur money or life... The wives want both!

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Husband: Tumse Shaadi Karke Mujhe Ek Bahut Bada Faayda Hua Hai.
Wife: Woh Kya?
Husband: Mujhe Mere Gunaaho ki Saza Jeete-Jee Hi Mil Gayi!

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Mummy: Beta kyun ro rahe ho?
Beta: Papa ne mujhe kissi nahi di.
Mummy: Beta, aap ne papa ko tables nahi sunaye honge.
Beta: Kaam wali ko kaun se tables aate hein.

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Man: Sir, my wife is missing.
Postman: Yeh post office hai, police station nahi.
Man: Kya karu? Kahan jau? Khushi k maare kuchh samajh me nahi aa raha.

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Q: What is the next thing one should do after winning an argument with the wife ?
A: Apologise !!!

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Man: Is there any way 4 long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of a long life will never come to u again!

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Rabb kare sade yaar muskraunde rehen,
Sohnia nu tarpaunde rehen,
Yara nal mehfila v launde rehan,
Kuri na fase koi gal ni, customer care nal kam chalaunde rehan.

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Zindagi Mein Kuch Lamhein Khaas Ban Gaye,
Mile To Mulakat Ban Gaye,
Bichhre To Yaad Ban Gaye,
Aur Jo Dil Se Na Gaye,Wo AAP Ban Gaye.

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Dosti ki mahek ishq se kam nahi hoti,
Ishq pe hi zindgi khatm nahi hoti,
Agar sath ho zindgi men achche dosto ka,
Zindagi kisi jannat se kam nahi hoti.

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Har khomoshi mein ek baat hoti hai,
Har dil mein ek yaad hoti hai,
Aapko pata ho ya na ho par aapki khushi k liye roz fariyad hoti hai.

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Apne gamo ki yu numaish na kar,
Apne nasib ki yu aazmaish na kar,
Jo tera hai tere dar pe khud ayega,
Roz roz use pane ki khwaish na kar!

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Wo yaron ki mehfil wo muskrate pal,
Dilse juda hai apna bita hua kal
Kabhi guzarti thi zindgi waqt bitane me,
Ab waqt guzar jata hai chand kagaz k note kamane me.

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Jahan ki gurbat me sukun nahi ayega,
Gam-e-tohin se kubul nahi ayega.
Maklul ki fitrat he ye kafir,
Dimag fat jayega par ye sher samajh nahi ayega.

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Khwaish aisi karo ki aasman tak ja sako,
Dua aisi karo ki khuda ko pa sako,
U to jeene k liye pal bahut kam hai,
Jiyo aise k har pal mein zindgi pa sako..!

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Zindagi... Cigarette ki tarah hoti hai,

Enjoy karo... Warna... Sulag to rahi hi hai,

khatam to waise bhi ho hi jayegi.

Gud Day!

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Rishta banaya hai to nibhayenge,
Har pal aapko hasayenge-satayenge,
Pata hai aapko to fursat nahi yaad karne ki,
Hum hi msg kr-kr ke apni yaad dilayenge.

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Aap pe kurbaan hmari Yaari hai,

hanske mar jaane ki Tayyari hai,
Yeh silsila na khatam ho humaari Dosti ka,

humne to yaad kar liya ab aapki Baari hai. 6

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Paro aur chandramuki ka noor app pe barse,

har koi aapke sath sone ko tarse,
aapke jeevan me aaye itni ladkiyan,
ki app CHADDI pahen ne ko tarse.

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Arz kiya hai:
I am a dog and u r a flower,
gaur farmaiega I am a dog and u r a flower,
so let me lift my leg n give u a shower!

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Mangta hoon to deti nahin ho: JAWAB MERI BAAT KA
Deti ho to khada ho jata hai: ROM-ROM JAZBAAT KA
Kyon bolti ho ke dheere se daalo: BALON MAIN PHOOL GULAB KA.

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Kya aap SEX karte hai,
Kya aap CONDOM use karte hain,
Kya aap AIDS se darte hai,
To aap HATH se Q nahi karte hai,
HATH chale to AIDS tale.

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Door gaon mein ek basti thi,
Wahan ki ladkiyan bahut sasti thi,
Unki ga#d mein itni masti thi,
Jitna dalo utna hasti thi.,
But why r u smiling?

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Ansoo tere nikale to aankhein meri ho,
Dil tera dhadke to dhadkan meri ho,
Khuda kare ki apni dosti itni gehari ho,
Baap tu bane to Mehanat meri ho!

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Kashti toofan se nikal sakti hai,
Taqdeer kisi bhi waqt bhi badal sakti hai,
Hausla rakh, channel na badal,
SANIA MIRZA kisi bhi waqt Jhuk sakti hai

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Badi hasrat thi ki kholein unki salwaar ka nara,
Sanam ki berukhi dekho ki nangey hi chale aye, Wah wah wah

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Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?

Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.

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A lady calls Santa for repairing her door bell.

Santa doesn`t turns up for 4 days.

Lady calls again,

Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days,

I press the bell but no one comes out.

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Santa: What is the difference between`complete and finish`?

Banta: When you marry the right person you are complete and when you marry the wrong one you are finished!

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One day Santa's girlfriend asks him,

"darling, on our engagement will you give me a ring?"

Santa:Ya sure, Give me your telephone number.

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There's a strain of virus deadlier than H1N1.

It afflicts most married men causing speech impairment,

stress, high B.P and fits of rage.

There's no cure in sight and it stays with the victim forever.

It's called B1W1(Wife).

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Try is a small word that makes a lot of difference.

If we try,

we only risk failure.

But if we don't even try we ensure it.

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When flood comes, fish eat ants & when flood recedes, ants eat fish. Only time matters. Just hold on, God gives opportunity to everyone!

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एक दिन बंता और उसकी पत्नी होटल में खाना खा रहे थे! और सामने संता बैठा हुआ था!
बंता की पत्नी ने बंता को मुर्गी की टांग उठा कर दी!
यह देख कर संता एक दम से बोल पड़ा: अगर मेरी शादी हुई होती तो मेरी भी पत्नी मुझे टांगें उठा उठा कर देती!

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Often when we lose all hope & think this is the end,

God smiles from above and says,

`relax dear its just a bend.

Not the end.

Have Faith and have a successful life.

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It`s not important to hold all the good cards in life.

But it`s important how well you play with the cards which you hold.

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Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?

Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.

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A lady calls Santa for repairing her door bell.

Santa doesn`t turns up for 4 days.

Lady calls again,

Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days,

I press the bell but no one comes out.

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Day 1: grandma wears a thin dress grandpa ignored.

Day 2: grandma wears bikini grandpa shocked.

Day 3: grandma came naked.

Grandpa: Darling at least iron your dress.

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`Search a beautiful heart,

but don't search a beautiful face'.

because beautiful things are not always good,

but good things are always beautiful.

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Har phool khusbudaar nahi hota,

har pathar chamakdar nahin hota;

dosti dekh kar karna dost,

kyonki har dost humsa dildar nahin hota

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There's a man trying to cross the street. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him. The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him.
So the guy turns around to go back, but the car changes lanes again and is still coming at him.
By now, the car is so close and the man so scared that he just freezes and stops in the middle of the road.
The car gets real close, then swerves at the last possible moment and screeches to a halt right next him.
The driver rolls down the window.
The driver is a squirrel.
The squirrel says to the man, "See, it's not as easy as it looks, is it?"

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A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night.
He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.
What's with that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked.
It's not a gong. It's a talking clock", the drunk replied. A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.
"Yup", replied the drunk.
How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it.
"Watch", the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back.
The three stood looking at one another for a moment.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You asshole! It's three-fifteen in the morning!

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A newlywed blonde phones her mother and sobs, "Steve doesn't appreciate the things I do for him."
"Now, now, dear," her mother replies, in an attempt to comfort her. "I'm sure it was all just a misunderstanding."
"No, mother," the young bride wails, "I bought a frozen turkey loaf for Thansgiving and he screamed at me because of the price."
"Well, that is being a little cheap," the mother agrees. "Those turkey rolls don't cost more than a few of dollars."
"It wasn't the cost of the turkey roll he was upset about, mother," says the blonde, "it was the airplane ticket."
"Airplane ticket?" What are you talking about?" asks the confused mother. "Why did you need an airplane ticket?"
"Well, mother," the blonde explains, "when I went to prepare the turkey roll, I checked the directions on the back. It said, 'Prepare from a frozen state', so I flew to Alaska!"

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A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at a large gathering, and his blonde hostess broached a subject of which the doctor was most at ease.
"Doctor, would you mind telling me," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in someone who appears completely normal?"
"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question, one which anyone should be able to answer without any problem. If he or she hesitates, that puts you on the track."
"What sort of question?" asked the hostess.
"Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'" the doctor replied.
The blonde thought for a moment, then said, "You wouldn't happen to have another example, would you? I've never known very much about history!"

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I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off.
So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who's a blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What are you doing?"
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."
I jumped down and walked out of the office.
When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, "And where do you think you're going?"
She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark."

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A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handywoman and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. 
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

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Keeping a place for me in ur heart is ok,

but keeping a place for me in your mind might be dangerous because people say... I�m Mind Blowing!

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Shaadi k pehle ladka: Darling!! tum nahi to mai nahi... Aur mai nahi to tum nahi...
Shaadi k bad ladka: AAj ya to tu nahi ya mai nahi!

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Some people have nice eyes... some people have nice smile,

others have nice faces,

but you have all of them with a nice heart!

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If u find ur world as a sky and ur friends as STARS,

and if U don't find me among them,

dont worrry! I've just been fallen to make ur wish come true.

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Ur precious love has turned my life completely around,

I feel like I'm walking but my feet don't seem to touch the ground!

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God determines who walks into your life.

You decide who stays & who walks out.

Send this to people you never want to lose,

I just did...

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Loving you could take my life,

but when I look into your eyes,

I know you're worth that sacrafice!

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Heaven is the place where I would be,

the day you would stop loving me!

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Some people say happiness is life.

Others say it's freedom & some say it's money,

but happiness for me is just having the opportunity to know u!

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Butterflies don't know the color of their wings,

but human eyes know how nice it is... Like wise you don't know 'how good you are',

but I know 'how special you are'

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Toothpaste ki add mein DAAT dikhata hai,

Shampoo ki add mein BAAL dikhata hai,

lekin WHISPER ki add mein ku kuch nehi dikhata.

Ye to sarasar na insafi hai.

JAGO GRAHAK JAGO.

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Khud ko kar buland itan,

chanda jitna.

ke khuda bhi tujhse puche ke beta ab utrega kaise.

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sardar: apne noukar ko bola garden me pani daal.

Naukar bola barish ho rahi hai,

Sardar : Sale kam chor chatri pakdke daal

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A drunk walks into a crowded bar and takes the last barstool next to an older woman.
After awhile, the woman starts to smell this horrible odour coming from the direction of the drunk.
She turns to him and says, "Excuse me Mister, but did you just shit yourself?"
The drunk replied, "Yes ma'am, I have indeed shit myself."
The woman says, "Well, why don't you go somewhere and clean yourself up?"
The drunk says, "'Cos I'm not finished yet..."

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A businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double scotch on the rocks.
After he finished the drink, he peeked inside his shirt pocket, then he ordered another double scotch.
After he finished that one, he again peeked inside his shirt pocket and ordered another double scotch.
Finally, the bartender said, "Look, buddy, I'll bring you drinks all night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order another."
The customer replied, "I'm looking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."

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There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar.
Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL" and farts loudly.
The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says, "Excuse me, you just farted before my wife."
The drunks replies, " I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn."

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A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey, "Hey! what are you doing?"
The monkey says, "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few joints. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get adrink from the river. The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.
A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?"
The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the monkey in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle, finds the tree were the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint, and he looks up and says, "Hey you!"
The Monkey looks down and says, "Faaaaaaark dude.......how much water did you drink?!

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Joe did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of his bed.
"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom? ...... and who are you?" he asked.
"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven."
"WHAT!!? Are you saying, I'm dead? I don't want to die ..... I'm too young." said Joe. "If I'm dead, I want you to send me back immediately."
"It's not that easy", said St. Peter, "you can only return as a dog or a hen. You can choose on your own"
Joe thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog is too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad.
"I want to return as a hen." Joe replied.
In the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, nicely feathered. But now he felt like his rear end was gonna blow ........ then along came the rooster.
"Hey, you must be the new hen on the farm." he said. "How does it feel?"
"Well, it's OK I guess, but it feels like my rear end is blowing up."
"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. Have you never laid an egg before?? Cluck twice, and then you push all you can."
Joe clucked twice, and pushed more than he was good for, and then 'Plop' and an egg was on the ground.
"Wow" Joe said "that felt really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground.
The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout, "Joe, for Christ's sake!!! Wake up ... you're shittin' all over the bed!"

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A man walks into a bar and notices a poker game at the far table. Upon taking a closer look he sees a dog sitting at the table.
This peaks his curiosity and he walks closer and sees cards and chips in front of the dog. Then the next hand is dealt and cards are dealt to the dog.
Then the dog acts in turn with all the other players, calling, raising, discarding, everything the other human players were doing.
However none of the other players seemed to pay any mind to the fact that they were playing with a dog, they just treated him like any other player.
Finally the man could not longer hold his tongue so between hands he quietly said to one of the players, "I can't believe that dog is playing poker, he must be the smartest dog in the world!"
The player smiled and said, "He isn't that smart, every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail."

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An angry bartender was closing up for the night when he heard a knock at the door. He opened the door, didn't see anybody, and was about to close the door when a voice called, "Hey, down here."
The bartender looked down and saw a snail.
"Hey," the snail asked, "How about a drink?"
The angry bartender snarled, "First of all, we're closed. Secondly, we don't serve snails."
And with that, the bartender kicked the snail all the way across the street.
A month later, the same angry bartender was closing up for the night when there was a knock at the door. He opened the door, and there was the same snail from last month.
"You know," the snail said, "you didn't have to kick me."

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In a poor zoo of India, a lion was frustrated as he was offered not more than 1 kg meat a day. The lion thought its prayers were answered when one US Zoo Manager visited the zoo and requested the zoo management to shift the lion to the US Zoo.
The lion was so happy and started thinking of a central A/c environment, a goat or two every day and a US Green Card also.
On its first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag, sealed very nicely for breakfast. The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained few bananas. Then the lion thought that may be they cared too much for him as they were worried about his stomach as he had recently shifted from India.
The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same food bag of bananas was delivered.
The lion was so furious, it stopped the delivery boy and blasted at him, 'Don't you know I am the lion... king of the Jungle..., what's wrong with your management?, what nonsense is this? Why are you delivering bananas to me?'
The delivery boy politely said, 'Sir, I know you are the king of the jungle but ..did you know that you have been brought here on a monkey's visa!!!
Moral: Better to be a Lion in India than a Monkey elsewhere!!!

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A woman walks into a pet shop hoping to find the right pet. She wonders around for a while and she stumbles on to this big ass parrot in this huge cage.
She checks it out for a minute and notices that the parrot has two strings hanging down. On the right foot is a red string and on the left foot is a yellow string. She calls the pet shop manager over and asks him what the strings mean.
He say's, "Well madam, if you pull the red string he will sing a hymn and if you pull the yellow string he will say a prayer."
So the woman thinks out loud, "What would happen if I pulled both strings at the same time?"
The parrots eyes got real big and he looked at her and screamed out, "I'd fall on my ass you silly bitch!"

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A farmer has to go out to plow his rental field about 10 miles from his farm. To get there he must drive his tractor, and his dog old Joe trots along beside him.
Halfway through the plowing, the tractor runs out of fuel. He wanders out to the road and flags down a ride, which just happens to be a Ferrari.
The driver says, "You can have a ride, but that dog can't get in my car."
The farmer says, "Don't worry. Old Joe will keep up."
The driver figures he'll show the farmer just what his car can do and lets it rip. Just as he is going into 5th gear, he looks out the window and sure enough Old Joe is right beside him. He can't wait to have a look at the amazing dog, so he slams on the brakes, and the car stops rather abruptly.
The driver jumps out exclaiming, "He's the most incredible dog I've ever seen! But what kind of collar is that he's wearing?"
The farmer shook his head and said, "That's not a collar. That's his asshole. He's not used to stopping that fast.

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Once upon a time Dracula decided to carry some sort of a competition to see which is the finest bat to stand on his side. So all the bats were honored to take part. The rules were simple. Whichever bat drinks more blood, will be the winner!
So the first bat goes and comes back after 10 minutes. Her mouth was full of blood.
Dracula says, "Congratulations, how did you do that?" The bat said, "Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a house. I went in and sucked the blood of all the family."
"Very good" said Dracula.
The second bat goes and comes back after 5 minutes all her face covered in blood. Astonished Dracula says, "How did you do that?"
The bat replies, "Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a school. I went in and drunk the blood of all the children."
"Impressive" said Dracula.
Now the third bat goes and comes back after three minutes literally covered in blood from top to toe. Dracula is stunned.
"How on earth did you do that????" he asked.
And the bat replies, "Do you see this tower?"
Dracula replies with a yes. And the bat says, "Well, I didn't."

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The air we breathe keeps us alive.

But if one day the air in this world becomes too limited for us,

don`t worry because I will hold my breath even for a million years just to see you alive.

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God could not take care of the whole world so he gave mothers to each family.

Mothers needed caretakers to do her work,

so she gave sisters to the family.

Happy Rakshabandhan!

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Always start your day with a lot of S E X.

S-mile, E-nergy, X-citement.

So make SEX a daily habit,

and you`ll always be SMILING!

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A man was telling his neighbor,

`I just bought a new hearing aid.

It cost me twenty one thousand rupees,

but its state of the art. It`s perfect.'

`Really?`asked answered the neighbor.

`What kind is it?` `Twelve thirty.`

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A great thinker once said:

"A man with his tool in a woman`s mouth can also be a DENTIST."

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A beggar meets another beggar.

A software engineer meets another software engineer.

Both of them ask the same question to each other: " So, which platform are you working on?"

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Santa: How can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one day?
Banta: simple! I get up early.

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In an elephant`s school, some loafer elephants were hanging around in the canteen. A sexy female elephant passes by the canteen. One of the elephants says: `Look guys, 3600 - 2400 - 3600!`

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Santa: Are you chewing gum?
Banta: No, I'm Banta.

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Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared.
"I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled.
"My wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk.
"Gentlemen, I have been walking in the open air day after day for some 75 years now."

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Agar manzil ko pana hai to himat saath rakhna,

Agar pyar ko pana hai to aitbar saath rakhna,

Agar hamesha muskurana ho to BRUSH AUR PASTE SAATH RAKHNA.

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A drunk walked into a bar crying. One of the other men in the bar asked him what happened.
"I did a terrible thing," sniffed the drunk, "Just a few hours ago I sold my wife to someone for a bottle of Champagne."
"That is awful," said the other guy, "And now that she is gone you want her back right?"
"Right!" said the drunk, still crying.
"You're sorry you sold her because you realised, too late, that you still loved her, right?"
"Oh, No," said the drunk. I want her back because I'm thirsty again!"

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Ae dost tu mat ho udaas,

Saans meri chute na chute tra saath.

Phir bhi agar tujhe aaye meri yaad,

toh mujhe call kar lena,

meri INCOMING BILKUL FREE HAIN..!!

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At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness.
"Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"
The witness stared out the window as though he hadn't hear the question.
"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.
The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."
Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."

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Ae dost tu mat ho udaas,

Saans meri chute na chute tra saath.

Phir bhi agar tujhe aaye meri yaad,

toh mujhe call kar lena,

meri INCOMING BILKUL FREE HAIN..!!

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When the employees of a restaurant attended a fire safety seminar, they watched a fire official demonstrate the proper way to operate an extinguisher.
Pull the pin like a hand grenade," he explained, "then depress the trigger to release the foam."
Later a blonde employee was selected to extinguish a controlled fire in the parking lot. In her nervousness, she forgot to pull the pin.
The instructor hinted, "Like a hand grenade, remember?"
In a burst of confidence she pulled the pin and hurled the extinguisher at the blaze!

There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk, I mean really, really, really drunk. When the bar closed he got up to go home.
As he stumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face.
Well the nun was really surprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again.
This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the butt, then he picked her up and threw her into a wall.
By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn't move very much, so then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said.........."Not so strong tonight, are you Batman?"

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A duck hunter needed a new bird dog, so he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve the duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.
He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a true pessimist and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.
As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet.
The friend saw everything but didn't say a single word.
On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything funny about my new dog?"
"I sure did," responded his friend. "He can't swim!"

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Harry, a golfing enthusiast if there ever was one, arrived home from the club to an irate, ranting wife.
"I'm leaving you, Harry," his wife announced bitterly. "You promised me faithfully that you'd be back before six and here it is almost nine. It just can't take that long to play 18 holes of golf."
"Honey, wait," said Harry. "Let me explain. I know what I promised you, but I have a very good reason for being late. Fred and I tee'd off right on time and everything was find for the first three holes. Then, on the fourth tee Fred had a stroke. I ran back to the clubhouse but couldn't find a doctor. And, by the time I got back to Fred, he was dead. So, for the next 15 holes, it was hit the ball, drag Fred, hit the ball, drag Fred...

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Lalu : Itane sare log football ko lath kyou mar rahe hai?

Sardar : Gol karne ke liye.

Lalu : Sasura gol hi to hai aur kitna gol karenge

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ek ladki thi dewani si,

mobile lekar ghumti thi,

sharma ke ghabra ke wo kuch karti rahti thi,

jabbhi milti thi mujhse hamesa puchti thi,

"-----ye on kaise hota hai------"